Erst sein Roman brachte den Durchbruch

English translation: Only upon publication of Peter Pan's novel "XY" in 1924 did he become successful

GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
German term or phrase:Erst sein Roman „XY“ (1924) brachte Peter Pan den Durchbruch
English translation:Only upon publication of Peter Pan's novel "XY" in 1924 did he become successful
Entered by: Sebastian Witte

17:36 Jul 18, 2019
German to English translations [PRO]
Marketing - Marketing / Market Research / Garden joys
German term or phrase: Erst sein Roman brachte den Durchbruch
DE:
Der Museumsgarten ist frei zugänglich.
Peter Pan absolvierte von 1871 bis 1874 in München eine Lehre als Buchhändler und arbeitete bis 1894 in diesem Beruf.
Während dieser Zeit erschienen auch seine ersten Buchveröffentlichungen.
***Erst sein Roman „XY“ (1924) brachte den Durchbruch*** und Pan konnte sich nach seiner Heirat mit der Fotografin KL als freier Schriftsteller in Z niederlassen.

EN:
****It was not until*** his novel „XY“ ***was published in 1924*** ***that*** Peter Pan ***became successful*** ...

Assumed register to be aimed for: friendly, yet a bit formal (just imagine you went to an open-air museum in the country and the place was all in bloom yet all these greats of Switzerland would be commemorated there).

Is there a more succinct and elegant way to say this?

All English will be proofread by a native speaker of British English. However, American English is welcome.

Cheers,

Sebastian Witte
Sebastian Witte
Germany
Local time: 21:55
P only became successful after his novel was published in 1924
Explanation:
Again, lots of ways to skin the proverbial cat here, so this is just one suggestion to kick things off!

If you turn the phrase round to start with "Peter Pan only became successful"/similar, you've got lots of more idiomatic options -

- once he'd published his novel in 1924
- in 1924, after he'd published his novel
- upon publication of his novel in 1924

or similar
Selected response from:

Jennifer Caisley
United Kingdom
Local time: 20:55
Grading comment
I like Jennifer's, Andrea's and Nick's answers best.
3 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +4The breakthrough came with his novel
Andrea Garfield-Barkworth
3 +2P only became successful after his novel was published in 1924
Jennifer Caisley
5Once Pan made his breakthrough with his novel XY in 1924,…
Nick Brisland, BA (Hons)
4Commercial success did not arrive until
Michael Martin, MA
3 +1Peter Pan's breakthrough first came in/didn't come until 1924 upon publishing his novel XY
Ramey Rieger (X)


  

Answers


6 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +2
P only became successful after his novel was published in 1924


Explanation:
Again, lots of ways to skin the proverbial cat here, so this is just one suggestion to kick things off!

If you turn the phrase round to start with "Peter Pan only became successful"/similar, you've got lots of more idiomatic options -

- once he'd published his novel in 1924
- in 1924, after he'd published his novel
- upon publication of his novel in 1924

or similar

Jennifer Caisley
United Kingdom
Local time: 20:55
Meets criteria
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 23
Grading comment
I like Jennifer's, Andrea's and Nick's answers best.
Notes to answerer
Asker: Thanks very much.


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Adrian MM.: I never knew Peter Pan was a novelist. I thought he was a statue in Kensington Gardens.
3 hrs
  -> My thoughts, too... I suppose the 'boy who never grew up' had plenty of time to spare!

agree  TonyTK
17 hrs
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10 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
Commercial success did not arrive until


Explanation:
his novel XY was published in 1924

Michael Martin, MA
United States
Local time: 16:55
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in GermanGerman, Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 116
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

12 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5
Once Pan made his breakthrough with his novel XY in 1924,…


Explanation:
As Jennifer said, there are lots of options here. This one keeps the word ‘breakthrough’ which is present in the source.

Nick Brisland, BA (Hons)
United Kingdom
Local time: 20:55
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 8
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

13 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Peter Pan's breakthrough first came in/didn't come until 1924 upon publishing his novel XY


Explanation:
Dear Sebastian, on all accounts, move away from passive voice! It only complicates matters and is not at acceptable in marketing English.

Ramey Rieger (X)
Germany
Local time: 21:55
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 81

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Michele Fauble
1 hr
  -> Break on through to the other side!
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14 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +4
The breakthrough came with his novel


Explanation:
The breakthrough came with his novel "XY" in 1924, which allowed Pan to establish himself as a freelance writer in Z following his marriage to the photographer KL.

The important part of the sentence is "breakthrough", so I feel it would be better to start with this key information. There is no need to add "first" or "only" as "breakthrough" encompasses this.

Andrea Garfield-Barkworth
Germany
Local time: 21:55
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 8

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  writeaway
20 mins
  -> Thanks, writeaway.

agree  Wendy Streitparth
1 hr
  -> Thanks, Wendy.

agree  Thomas Pfann
3 hrs
  -> Thanks, Thomas.

agree  Steffen Walter
7 hrs
  -> Thanks, Steffen.
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